He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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