I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sex in a hospital.. check
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
