Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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