Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
