So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
