she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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