Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
