why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
