I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
