no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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