its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
