Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
