Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
