i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize