On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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