wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize