sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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