Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
