Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize