My friends, they love my intelligence
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
