Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
