we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I did not marry a roomba.
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