Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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