I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
