I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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