im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize