my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
