i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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