i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize