She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well you can't waste a boner
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
