in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
