Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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