I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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