Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
