kristin has been a bad kristin
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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