Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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