If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
