I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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