The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
