she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
