Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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