I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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