YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
