just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
