Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
