Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
