Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
