paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
