What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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