Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
