My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
