Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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