I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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