Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
