Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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