Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
