It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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