did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
