I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
