Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
