I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
