sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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