I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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