im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
