I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
high people should be assigned attendants
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
