i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
