I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have fence marks all over my body
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
