Only a mothe r could love this liver
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
