i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
