as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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