watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
