I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
