who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
