I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
