he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
