So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
