I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
