Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
