I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize