Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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