FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
