my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
