I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
