So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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