"it" just moved
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
