oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
