So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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