i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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