I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
