I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
