birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
