So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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