im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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