dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
