but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
