I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
