Screwed.edu
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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