I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
