I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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