why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
