I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
