I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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