capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
