Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
