I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
